Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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