the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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