Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
