so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Found your dick twin last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
