oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
