We're like a lot better than the average bears
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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