I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
