I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
