I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize