So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
