so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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