She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
