She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
