I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you made out with another girl for some wings
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
