so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
