I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
