I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
