I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
