He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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