Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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