we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
