His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
