I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
