Plan B is the new Plan A
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
