I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
