His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
