someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
