dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize