the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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