so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
