Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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