this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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