Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
