well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
babies were throwing up all over the place
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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