I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
