Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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