At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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