I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
