Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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