Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
