Ambien. No doubt about it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
