it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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