I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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