mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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