...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
