remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
