I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
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