And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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