so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
