This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
