i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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