We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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