awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
