i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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