Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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