Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
the raccoons are back...
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