Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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