you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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