i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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