Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
