my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
