No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
