So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
