You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
