they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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