I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
