i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
