Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
