The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
