just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
