um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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