I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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