This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
