worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I smell like Dick and happiness
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