Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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